Sabrina之宅言宅語 ~ "17 A While" Group

很多朋友很著急...問我到底看了這一篇文章沒有。

親愛的...我當然看了。

我怎能錯過！？

但是如果我要和大家分享，就只能撤徹底底的和大家分享...

不然一點意義也沒有。

對年輕的朋友們而言，

Jodie Foster只是和Kristen一起合演過Panic Room的女演員之一。

在我的年代，甚至一直到了今天，

Jodie Foster是最傳奇的女演員之一，也是備受大家推崇與尊敬的人。

今天她站出來幫Kristen說話...一字一句都讓人心疼。

也替我們這一群除了默默支持她，卻無力真正替她做些什麼的人，

狠狠的出了一口氣。

EAT SH**, YOU F**KING HATERS AND HYPOCRITE. YOU NEVER GONNA WIN!!

We’ve all seen the headlines at the check-out counter. “Kristen Stewart Caught.” We’ve all thumbed the glossy pages here and there. “Kris and Rob a couple?” We all catch the snaps. “I like that dress. I hate the hair. Cute couple. Bad shoes.” There’s no guilt in acknowledging the human interest in public linens. It’s as old as the hills. Lift up beautiful young people like gods and then pull them down to earth to gaze at their seams. See, they’re just like us. But we seldom consider the childhoods we unknowingly destroy in the process.

我們都在收銀台邊看過斗大的標題。「Kristen Stewart被活逮。」我們也經常接觸到一些光滑的雜誌內頁。「Kris和Rob是一對？」我們都看到了那些照片。「我喜歡這件洋裝。我討厭那頭髮。真可愛的一對情侶。鞋子真難看。」在大眾審視的眼光之下公開表現出自己對別人的興趣一點都不會有罪惡感。這習慣已經和好萊塢一樣長久。將年輕貌美的人們如神祇般的捧上天，然後再狠狠把他們拉下地面來審視他們的裂縫。看吧，他們也不過跟我們一樣。但我們很少去考慮到再這個過之中我們不知不覺所破壞的童年。

I have been an actress since I was 3 years old, 46 years to date. I have no memories of a childhood outside the public eye. I am told people look to me as a success story. Often complete strangers approach me and ask, How have you stayed so normal, so well-adjusted, so private? I usually lie and say, “Just boring I guess.” The truth is, like some curious radioactive mutant, I have invented my own gothic survival tools. I have fashioned rules to control the glaring eyes. Maybe I’ve organized my career choices to allow myself (and the ones I truly love) maximum personal dignity. And yes, I have neurotically adapted to the gladiator sport of celebrity culture, the cruelty of a life lived as a moving target. In my era, through discipline and force of will, you could still manage to reach for a star-powered career and have the authenticity of a private life. Sure, you’d have to lose your spontaneity in the elaborate architecture. You’d have to learn to submerge beneath the foul air and breathe through a straw. But at least you could stand up and say, I will not willfully participate in my own exploitation. Not anymore. If I were a young actor or actress starting my career today in the new era of social media and its sanctioned hunting season, would I survive? Would I drown myself in drugs, sex, and parties? Would I be lost?

從我三歲起我就開始當演員，如今已經過了46個年頭。我不記得自己在大眾目光之下以外的童年。很多人告訴我說世人將我當成一個成功的例子。常常有陌生人在街上遇到我並問我：「你怎麼有辦法保持如此平凡的生活，如此適應，如此私密？」通常我都會說謊並回答：「我只是很無趣而已，我猜。」但事實是，就像是某種令人好奇帶有輻射線的變種人，我發明了一些屬於我自己的生存工具。我制定了控制探視眼光的規則。也許我也安排了我自己的事業選擇可以讓我（以及我真正所愛的人）可以保有最大限度的人格。而且，沒錯，我還很神經質的學會了名人文化裡的羅馬戰士遊戲，殘酷的現實讓我們活的像是個活動標把。在我的時代，靠著原則和意志力，你還是可以擁有巨星集級的事業並同時擁有一個真實的私人生活。當然了，在這種誇張的結構之下你必須喪失一些無拘無束的天性。你必須學會浮潛在惡臭的空氣之下並且利用吸管來呼吸。但至少你可以站起來並大聲說，我並沒有心甘情願的參與這些暴露我生活的行為。但現在不是了。如果我是一名年輕的演員，必須在社群媒體和他們自以為合法的狩獵行為橫行的這種新時代開創我的事業，我能夠存活下來嗎？我會讓自己沉浸在毒品，性，以及派對上嗎？我會不會迷失？

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: if I were a young actor today I would quit before I started. If I had to grow up in this media culture, I don’t think I could survive it emotionally. I would only hope that someone who loved me, really loved me, would put their arm around me and lead me away to safety. Sarah Tobias would never have danced before her rapists in The Accused. Clarice would never have shared the awful screaming of the lambs to Dr. Lecter. Another actress might surely have taken my place, opened her soul to create those characters, surrendered her vulnerabilities. But would she have survived the paparazzi peering into her windows, the online harassment, the public humiliations, without overdosing in a hotel room or sticking her face with needles until she became unrecognizable even to herself?

我之前也曾經說過，我現在還會再說一遍：如果今天我是一名年輕的演員，我早就會在一開始的時候就放棄。如果我必須在這中媒體當道的文化下成長，我不認為我的精神能夠承受的住。我只能希望某個愛我的人，真正愛我的人，能夠把手臂環抱在我的身上並帶領我到安全的地方去。<<控訴>>裡的Sarah Tabias絕對會沒辦法在強暴了她的人之前跳舞。Clarice則絕對無法和Dr. Lecter分享那一則恐怖的羔羊尖叫故事。（S註：這兩個角色都是Jodie奪得奧斯卡最佳女主角的原因）另一名女演員會代替我，打開她的靈魂去創造這些角色，向她自己的弱點臣服。但她是否能承受狗仔窺視她的窗戶，網路上的騷擾，大眾的羞辱，而不讓自己在某一間飯店裡吸毒過量還讓針筒插滿自己的臉直到她再也不認識自己？

Acting is all about communicating vulnerability, allowing the truth inside yourself to shine through regardless of whether it looks foolish or shameful. To open and give yourself completely. It is an act of freedom, love, connection. Actors long to be known in the deepest way for their subtleties of character, for their imperfections, their complexities, their instincts, their willingness to fall. The more fearless you are, the more truthful the performance. How can you do that if you know you will be personally judged, skewered, betrayed? If you’re smart, you learn to willfully disassociate, to compartmentalize. Putting your emotions into a safety box definitely comes in handy when the public throws stones. The point is to survive, intact or not, whatever the emotional cost. Actors who become celebrities are supposed to be grateful for the public interest. After all, they’re getting paid. Just to set the record straight, a salary for a given on-screen performance does not include the right to invade anyone’s privacy, to destroy someone’s sense of self.

演戲完全是關於和自己的弱點溝通，讓自己內心深處的真實發光散透出來，不管這麼做是否會看起來很愚蠢或是羞愧。必須要完完全全敞開自己。這是一種對自由，對愛，對聯繫的表現。演員們最知名的就是他們鉅細靡遺的深知他們的角色，他們的不完美，他們的複雜，他們的直覺，他們願意跌倒的態度。你越是無所畏懼，你的表演就會越真實。但是你要怎麼辦的到這些，如果你知道你會被批判，被戳刺，甚至是背叛？如果你夠聰明，你可以學會用意志力去抽離自己，去劃分。把你自己的情感鎖進保險箱在大眾都在對你丟石頭的時候絕對會很有用。重點是要活下去，不管是否完整無缺，也無論在情感上的傷害。變成所謂「名人」的演員們應該要很感謝大眾對他們的關注。畢竟，他們可是有收到錢的。但是我要聲明一點，因為在銀幕前表現而得到的報酬絕對不等於你有權力侵犯任何人的隱私，去摧毀破壞一個人的自我。

In 2001 I spent 5 months with Kristen Stewart on the set of Panic Room mostly holed up in a space the size of a Manhattan closet. We talked and laughed for hours, sharing spontaneous mysteries and venting our boredom. I grew to love that kid. She turned 11 during our shoot and on her birthday I organized a mariachi band to serenade her at the taco bar while she blew out her candles. She begrudgingly danced around a sombrero with me but soon rushed off to grip and electric department's basketball game. Her mother and I watched her jump around after the ball, hooting with every team basket. “She doesn’t want to be an actor when she grows up, does she?” I asked. Her mom sighed. “Yes … unfortunately.” We both smiled and shrugged with an ambivalence born from experience. “Can’t you talk her out of it?” I offered. “Oh, I’ve tried. She loves it. She just loves it.” More sighs. We watched her run around the court for a while, both of us silent, each thinking our own thoughts. I was pregnant at the time and found myself daydreaming of the child I might have soon. Would she be just like Kristen? All that beautiful talent and fearlessness … would she jump and dunk and make me so proud?

在2001我花了五個月的時間和Kristen Stewart在<<顫慄空間>>的片場，大部分的時候都是被關在一個曼哈頓公寓大小的衣櫥裡。我們花了好多時間聊天和笑鬧，一起分享一些自然又神奇的事物來排遣無聊。我漸漸愛上了這個孩子。在拍攝的期間她變成11歲，然後在她生日的那一天我在一家墨西哥餐廳裡安排了樂隊，讓她在吹熄蠟燭時還有音樂伴奏。她很不情願的戴著一頂墨西哥大草帽和我跳舞，然後衝去和燈光以及電技組的工作人員打籃球。她的母親和我看著她追逐著球，每一隊的藍框都投進去了。「她長大以後不想要當演員，對吧？」我問。她母親嘆氣。「不...很不幸的。」我們兩人都笑了，然後矛盾的聳了聳肩。「你不能說服她不要嗎？」我又問。「噢，我早試過了。她就是愛。她就是愛演戲。」更多的嘆息。我們看著她在球場上跑了好一會兒，兩人都安靜不語。沉思在我們各自的思緒裡。當時我已經懷了身孕，然後我發現自己幻想著我即將出世的孩子。她會和Kristen一樣嗎？擁有那些美好的才華和無所畏懼的精神...她會跳躍並灌籃然後讓我感到驕傲嗎？
 

There’s this image I have of a perfect moment. It comes to me as a square format 8mm home movie with 70’s oversaturated reds and blues, no sound, just a scratchy loop … there’s a little white-haired girl twirling in the surf. She’s singing at the top of her lungs, jumping and spinning around in the cold water, all salty, sandy, full of joy and confidence. She’s unconscious of the camera, of course, in her own world. The camera shakes a little. Perhaps her mom’s laughing behind the lens. Could a child be more loved than in this moment? She’s perfect. She is absolutely perfect.

我擁有一份最完美的景象。它是以8釐米的家庭影片方式送到我手上的，上頭塞滿了70年代過度的紅與白，沒有聲音，只是一段短短的畫面...有一名白髮的小女孩在海浪裡面旋轉著。她大聲的唱著歌，在冰冷的水中又跳又轉，全身濕透，沾滿沙子，充滿著歡樂與自信。她沒有意識到鏡頭，當然了，沉浸在自己的世界。鏡頭晃動了一下。也許是因為她的媽媽在鏡頭後止不住笑意。有哪個孩子還能在這個時刻被愛的更多？她好完美。她絕對是完美的。

Cut to: Today … A beautiful young woman strides down the sidewalk alone, head down, hands drawn into fists. She’s walking fast, darting around huge men with black cameras thrusting at her mouth and chest. “Kristen, how do you feel?” “Smile Kris!” “Hey, hey, did you get her?” “I got her. I got her!” The young woman doesn’t cry. F--k no. She doesn’t look up. She’s learned. She keeps her head down, her shades on, fists in her pockets. Don’t speak. Don’t look. Don’t cry.

時間回到現在...一名年輕的美麗女子單獨走在人行道上，頭低低的，雙手緊握成拳。她走的很快，閃避著手裡拿著黑色相機不停推向她嘴和胸膛的大漢們。「Kristen,你覺得怎樣？」「笑啊，Kris。」「喂，你逮到她了沒？」「我逮到了，我逮到了！」那名年輕女子沒有哭。x的沒有。她沒有抬頭。她已經得過教訓。她頭保持低低的，戴上太陽眼鏡，拳頭插進褲袋裡。不說話。不看人。不哭泣。

My mother had a saying that she doled out after every small injustice, every heartbreak, every moment of abject suffering. “This Too Shall Pass.” God, I hated that phrase. It always seemed so banal and out of touch, like she was telling me my pain was irrelevant. Now it just seems quaint, but oddly true … Eventually this all passes. The public horrors of today eventually blow away. And yes, you are changed by the awful wake of reckoning they leave behind. You trust less. You calculate your steps. You survive. Hopefully in the process you don’t lose your ability to throw your arms in the air again and spin in wild abandon. That is the ultimate F.U. and--finally--the most beautiful survival tool of all. Don’t let them take that away from you.

我的母親在遇到任何委屈，任何心碎，任何受苦的時候都會說一句話。「一切都會過去的。」天哪，我恨死那句話。那總是讓我覺得既陳腐又沒意義，就好像她在跟我說我的痛苦一點也無關緊要。現在看來卻很微妙，甚至是莫名的合適...最後這一切都會過去的。今日社會大眾的醜惡最後都將會消失。是的，你會因為他們所留下來惡劣的批判而改變。你不輕易相信。你計算你的腳步。你活下去。我只能希望在這個過程中你沒有失去你那對著天空張開雙臂拋開一切顧慮開心旋轉的能力。那才是最終極的F.U.然後，最後－這才是你最美麗的生存工具。別讓他們把這一切從你身邊奪走。